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Jade

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H_E thoughts [Feb. 20th, 2006|08:06 am]
Jade
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[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]

Right now -- even though I've had a full night's sleep to "calm" down -- even though Hufflepuff has a healthy lead on Squib -- I am sorely tempted to withdraw my app from H_E. Tempted, but I won't since Hufflepuffs are who I will probably be most comfortable with as I realize I may be Hufflepuff-at-heart as well. But sorely tempted because of the Squibbing. Sure, I understand most of the reasons (app too short, not enough personality, "cookie-cutter") but the latest reason feels like an attack on my character. "I don't believe you" basically questions my integrity and boldly states that I am a liar.


I never said I was in a "dead end" job. I merely said that my current job is not challenging me. Of my classmates who got the same degree as me, I will divide their professions as such: either they work in a hospital/clinic setting, they work sales/retail/marketing, they teach (have gotten a tenure position), or they have gotten married and don't work at all. My bestfriend worked as an associate editor of a medical journal. When she reached what she thought was the plateau of the job, she quit and moved and found another job as a medical writer where she is in charge of her own projects. A few years ago, she offered me an interview to become an editor as well - but I chose to stay with my family instead of move across the country. She finds her current job challenging, whereas her old one wasn't challenging anymore. I suppose I could just challenge myself, but all I said was I didn't think my current job challenged or motivated me.

I thought I would apply to H_E because I thought - wow, they are organized - we can discuss HP without all the fangirlish squeals and the annoying "Daniel Radcliffe is mine!" or whatever. I thought H_E respected people. Now, the latest squibber makes me feel... something I can't put into words. Sure, squibbers have their opinions - yes, I could've made my app longer - yes, I don't understand the "cookie-cutter" stuff but I could try again if I had the chance - yes, I could've tried showing my sense of humor since they feel I have none (when I merely refrained from showing any in case my sense of humor offended people) - but I draw the line at being called a liar. It's an online community, for goodness sake. If I want people to attack my character, I always have the real world for that.

I've read that the "fight or flight" response isn't quite accurate. It's more in steps, like (1) assess the situation, (2) remove self from danger, (3) if you can't do (2), then fight for your life. Well, (2) is looking pretty good now. I never said I was bold like a Gryffindor; if I were, I'd say "those are fighting words!" and attack! Instead, it feels like "KICK! You're a Squib!" and while you're on the floor, let me just say "You're a liar too!". Claws out! Real life, I'd probably find my inner-Gryffindor and attack! But as this is just an online community, I only feel sorely tempted to withdraw.

The only highlights of such an experience (the app process) would be the decent people I've met and the encouraging comments they've left. So, there are decent human beings in the world (that's always a bonus) amongst the negative, narrow-minded ones.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-20 04:51 pm (UTC)
And as I continue to rant in another direction...

The user who basically said I was a liar reminds me so much of the narrow-minded people of the past. For some reason - or maybe it's just here in the USA - people don't admire/appreciate kids with intelligence. Sure, they value it when adults have intelligence, but kids - no. If a kid is smart, and the parents care about education and want to challenge them, others think the parents are pushing them! forcing the kid to excel when the kid doesn't want to! Sometimes that's true -- but in my case it wasn't.

When I was in school, people kept calling me "Doogie Howser" (it was referring to a TV show with a kid who became a doctor). I took first semester college Calculus when I was in sixth grade, and passed with a "B". Math was easy to understand; of course my English skills and history knowledge were still 6th grade level, but Math I excelled. I took a break, didn't take second semester Calculus until I was in 9th grade - which I was only 13 anyways. Got an "A" in that. Started taking college classes at the age as well; even surprised my college English teacher by writing better than her 18 year old students.

I said I was modest - so I never thought I was "smarter" than anyone else. If money was not a limiting factor, I would probably try to take the MCATs and go to medical school. But I already got my doctorate in a related field, and am happy/proud of myself. I haven't been in school in a while, and though I like to learn, I don't think I'd want to go back to school (I've already been in school for more than half of my life).

I don't think I'm a prodigy. I never thought I was one. Maybe it's Slytherin-ish to use the school system to my advantage and graduate early. But what does schooling have to do with a job? Tenure positions have a lot of POLITICS that go with them. It's not straight "you're smart, so you should be a teacher or get a research job" attitude.
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[User Picture]From: cheshire23
2006-02-20 05:02 pm (UTC)
I understand. Believe me, I understand.

Especially this: If a kid is smart, and the parents care about education and want to challenge them, others think the parents are pushing them! forcing the kid to excel when the kid doesn't want to! Sometimes that's true -- but in my case it wasn't.

I learned to read when I was...hmm, maybe 20 months old? I literally have no memory of being unable to read. I was homeschooled for four years (the equivalent of 3rd-6th grade), and my first homeschooling year my mother was taking some college classes that included finite math. I was curious about what she was doing, so she taught me matrix multiplication and I just thought it was the coolest thing ever.

Unfortunately, at the time (mid-late 1980s), most homeschoolers were either Kentucky Fried Christians or what I've called "homeschooling anarchists" - the ones who believe "So what if a kid doesn't learn to read till she's 12? She'll learn when she's motivated and ready!" The counterpoint, of course, being that any child who learned to read before age 6 MUST have been OMG PUSHED and has horrible evil abusive stage-mommy parents!

My mother used to just smile and say, "No, I didn't push my daughter. I got out of her way."

The only thing I'd disagree with is this: all too often, U.S. society doesn't value intelligence in adults, either. :(
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[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-20 05:12 pm (UTC)
I thought with the internet boom and "nerds" become multi-millionaires with their websites (like google, yahoo, ebay), that society started valuing intelligence. Unless those webmasters/businessmen aren't really "nerds", but just smart with ideas/business.
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[User Picture]From: cheshire23
2006-02-20 06:29 pm (UTC)
Eh...I think it's a lot more complex than that.

One advantage of the Internet is that it gives nerds/geeks/people with "weird" brainy interests a chance to find each other, and a sense of being less isolated than would otherwise be the case.

As far as successful computer geeks, the generic public attitude to them, in my experience, is one of grudging respect because they're RICH to their faces and rather nasty mockery behind their backs. I could add that in some ways, certain types of "successful computer geeks" make this worse with their utter lack of interpersonal skills, but that is a whole other rant.

Overall, though, most popular culture portrayals of people with significantly above-average intelligence that I've seen lately will typecast them as a) sleazy and manipulative, b) forced to "tone down" or hide their intelligence to "fit in better", c) clinically insane (think A Beautiful Mind), d) unattractive and clumsy and totally lacking in social skills, e) (females only) radical man-hating feminist, f) an adult obsessed with vengance against those who mistreated him/her growing up, and/or g) cute kid who isn't quite taken seriously (Doogie comes to mind here). One or more of these will get pasted on to political candidates who seem not just "bright" but significantly above-average, as well.
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[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-20 06:54 pm (UTC)
Ah... well, I already know I'm not in "society's norm" because I admire "smart" people. Maybe my outlook is more "green/naive" than anything. (B) is usually the norm for smart kids; they still have the growing pains as any other kid, but add to that, the envy/jealously/you-must-be-a-show-off attitude by their peers, they (or was it just me?) want to be normal. I haven't developed into (E) yet ;), although (G) rings true for me... Add to the fact that I was the youngest kid in my class, plus the fact that I look young (my bestfriend still teases me - asks me if I turned 18 yet) which sure-I'll appreciate when I'm 40- but now, it's like "are you old enough to be here? are you old enough to work?". Maybe I should channel all of that and turn into (F). Fulfill society's expectations. ;P
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[User Picture]From: cheshire23
2006-02-20 07:02 pm (UTC)
*laughs*

I'm 28. Some of my older friends (the people I was in undergrad with) will still half-teasing ask if i'm old enough to legally drink. :)
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[User Picture]From: smammers
2006-02-21 05:27 am (UTC)
Try not to let it get to you. Everyone in the comunity has a different level of harshness with applicants.

Oh, and... calc in sixth grade? Bzuh? That's amazing.

Mind if I friend you?
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[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-21 03:42 pm (UTC)
No, I don't mind. Friend away :) I'll friend you back.
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[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-20 06:12 pm (UTC)
I am still so... mad! Even after explaining, the person still calls me a liar. Grr... I'd smash my diplomas over his head if I could, but then I'd only ruin the frames.
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[User Picture]From: sirkate
2006-02-21 04:53 am (UTC)

Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

Y'know, the more I read your application and your LJ, the more convinced I am that you're a Ravenclaw. I know that shan't really help your emotional response here, but, well. I shall have to check now and see if you need another 'Puff vote. I could be convinced to change my mind if it means you'll be around.
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[User Picture]From: sirkate
2006-02-21 05:05 am (UTC)

Re: Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

Ah, nevermind. You're standing at
Puff: 79
Squib: 36
Ckaw: 25
Slyth: 1
Gryff: 0
You'll be fine. Where did you do your various degree work?
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[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-21 03:45 pm (UTC)

Re: Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

Undergrad: University of California Riverside - I would've gone to UCLA but I was only 15 years old - so I stayed local to be near my parents.

Grad: Univeristy of Southern California.
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[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-21 03:54 pm (UTC)

Re: Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

d'oh - can't spell... ech... University of So. Cal.
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[User Picture]From: sirkate
2006-02-22 12:21 am (UTC)

Re: Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

Did you do both your masters and doctoral work at USC? I'm working on my masters now, and wondering about doctoral programs. I know next to nothing about them.
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[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-22 04:27 am (UTC)

Re: Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

Just doctoral work. Check out this site:
http://www.usc.edu/schools/pharmacy/graduate/

Are you at USC? It would depend on which campus, I think, too. There is the main campus, and the health sciences campus (the HSC includes the medical, pharmacy, and nursing schools; dental is at main campus). My ex-roommate was doing her Ph.D. in microbiology, but didn't like her professor so switched to pharmacology (out of the pharmacy school). Many professors have changed since I went there; I'm not sure who to recommend.
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[User Picture]From: sirkate
2006-02-22 03:19 pm (UTC)

Re: Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

Actually, I'm in Iowa, but I'm looking to go somewhere else if I do my doctorit.
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[User Picture]From: jadeites_lady
2006-02-21 04:11 pm (UTC)

Re: Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

I don't think I'd get enough votes for Claw to bypass Squib or even catch up to Puff. So Puff is cool. :) The Slyth vote always makes me laugh.
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[User Picture]From: sirkate
2006-02-22 12:26 am (UTC)

Re: Wait, this one's the real me, no variations in sight.

I got 2 Slytherin. It was most fun. I WANTED them. *G*
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