Jade (jadeites_lady) wrote,
Jade
jadeites_lady

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H_E thoughts

Right now -- even though I've had a full night's sleep to "calm" down -- even though Hufflepuff has a healthy lead on Squib -- I am sorely tempted to withdraw my app from H_E. Tempted, but I won't since Hufflepuffs are who I will probably be most comfortable with as I realize I may be Hufflepuff-at-heart as well. But sorely tempted because of the Squibbing. Sure, I understand most of the reasons (app too short, not enough personality, "cookie-cutter") but the latest reason feels like an attack on my character. "I don't believe you" basically questions my integrity and boldly states that I am a liar.


I never said I was in a "dead end" job. I merely said that my current job is not challenging me. Of my classmates who got the same degree as me, I will divide their professions as such: either they work in a hospital/clinic setting, they work sales/retail/marketing, they teach (have gotten a tenure position), or they have gotten married and don't work at all. My bestfriend worked as an associate editor of a medical journal. When she reached what she thought was the plateau of the job, she quit and moved and found another job as a medical writer where she is in charge of her own projects. A few years ago, she offered me an interview to become an editor as well - but I chose to stay with my family instead of move across the country. She finds her current job challenging, whereas her old one wasn't challenging anymore. I suppose I could just challenge myself, but all I said was I didn't think my current job challenged or motivated me.

I thought I would apply to H_E because I thought - wow, they are organized - we can discuss HP without all the fangirlish squeals and the annoying "Daniel Radcliffe is mine!" or whatever. I thought H_E respected people. Now, the latest squibber makes me feel... something I can't put into words. Sure, squibbers have their opinions - yes, I could've made my app longer - yes, I don't understand the "cookie-cutter" stuff but I could try again if I had the chance - yes, I could've tried showing my sense of humor since they feel I have none (when I merely refrained from showing any in case my sense of humor offended people) - but I draw the line at being called a liar. It's an online community, for goodness sake. If I want people to attack my character, I always have the real world for that.

I've read that the "fight or flight" response isn't quite accurate. It's more in steps, like (1) assess the situation, (2) remove self from danger, (3) if you can't do (2), then fight for your life. Well, (2) is looking pretty good now. I never said I was bold like a Gryffindor; if I were, I'd say "those are fighting words!" and attack! Instead, it feels like "KICK! You're a Squib!" and while you're on the floor, let me just say "You're a liar too!". Claws out! Real life, I'd probably find my inner-Gryffindor and attack! But as this is just an online community, I only feel sorely tempted to withdraw.

The only highlights of such an experience (the app process) would be the decent people I've met and the encouraging comments they've left. So, there are decent human beings in the world (that's always a bonus) amongst the negative, narrow-minded ones.
Tags: app, emo, he, rant
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